The flight to Houston is great so far. I managed to sleep one hour, and when I awoke, the melodies of two songs I still needed to commit lyrics to were on my mind. Out came the laptop, and I went through them both. So although no vocal tracking was done, I can honestly say that the progress on the album is still ongoing.
I keep making extensive notes on the edits, the mixes, the flow of the songs, and for the first time there is a different work flow than in the past. I guess I wasn’t as wired to the world before, and the tools for documenting every single step were not as involved in the process. Often I’ve gone back to the earlier albums, and wished there had been more documentation for me, a way of connecting to the way the album came about. For example.. there are times when I cannot remember how a song was even written. What started it? Was it a beat? A sound? A phrase?
So it is nice to document things more, to write down more of the process, to share it. Of course, the internal stuff, the places I must go to to write, or the emotional unbalance that sometimes must occur to set them down… That stuff resides in the music itself. No notes from me will make that clearer really. And with that also goes the meaning of the words. For me they are one thing, and for you, another. And this I won’t spoil with “I wrote this song and it means this..” I will let those mysteries exist and breathe on their own. In that light, they are not even mine after they have left the ether to join me. They are sent for me to give, and their meanings shaped by your own stories, your own trials, pains, joys, desire and so forth. I hope that I can do them proper justice.
But I love what is happening. I reflected in my journal today that this is my consolation prize for the suffering I have endured. And it is not a bad thing at all. Indeed, they are a gift. A gift I gladly take back and love for the things they show me. It may not be all rosy and perfect. But what is? Even as I write this, I know that everyone has had a broken heart, lost someone, been lied to, or was hurt by the world. There is not a soul who has gone through life without some form of sadness. What truly changes us to becoming better in the end is the growth these things impart in us. You can push the growth away, look in the mirror and blame the world, or you can take stock of who you are, where you’ve been, and where you want to be. And walk on the road less traveled for change to happen.